Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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