we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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