U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this is an emotional support booty call
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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