You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize