How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
