Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
