I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
