I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
