When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We smell like vodka and hangover
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
