Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
