You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
