This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
