the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
