Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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