Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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