I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
