tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
