just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
