member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
