That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
