his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
