Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
