sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
