I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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