She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
