I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
