You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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