??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
