2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
