Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
