YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
