i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
