so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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