The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize