I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
