yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
