Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize