they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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