Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
love makes seman taste better
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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