put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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