I think I died a long time ago.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize