They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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