Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
