I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
