I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
