his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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