Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
