Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
