i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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