He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
