So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
