Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize