So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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