I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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