I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
