Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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