the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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