haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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