well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize