i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
