I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
