I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
