Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize