Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All the doctor said was why
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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