maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
