does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
