did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
