some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
