Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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