he shaved USA in his pubs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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