Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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