if i can run in heels then i can drive
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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