My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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