I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
