Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
