Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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