Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
