Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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