this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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