Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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