dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
