If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize