just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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