I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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