I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
