my mouth tastes like poor choices
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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