remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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