He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
