your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
