Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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