and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
