fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
