So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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