living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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