Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
