He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
