chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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