i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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