I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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