Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How does one acquire holy water?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
