How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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