The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
