let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
