Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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