If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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