i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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